How To Navigate and Overcome the Common Challenges of Blended Families

According to Star Tribune, approximately 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rates jump to 60 percent for second marriages, unless there are step children involved. Then that number jumps again, to 70 percent. According to Parents.com, 75 percent of the 1 million plus Americans who divorce each year marry again at some point in the future. Most of those 1.2 million individuals have at least one child. These numbers indicate two things: 1) that blended families are common and 2) that blended families generally do not succeed.

Cordell and Cordell, a law firm for dads, helps dads with children prepare for and navigate the complexities of single life. The law firm also helps remarried fathers and their spouses overcome the very real challenges couples are apt to face when trying to make their blended families work. If you and your spouse are struggling to get on the same page where your children are concerned, or if either of your ex-spouses is driving a wedge between your child and your spouse or even you and your spouse, it may be time to seek outside help. In the meantime, there are a few things you can do at home to keep your blended family a happy family.

Establish Ground Rules in the Beginning

One of the best things you can do for your marriage and your family, according to Parents.com, is to establish ground rules for the children as early as possible. If you are not currently married but are engaged, do this before you tie the knot. If you are already married and experiencing problems because of a lack of rules, set aside a night to discuss your issues in earnest and create effective ways for dealing with them.

It's important to note that establishing rules doesn't merely mean saying "no TV past 7:00," or "kids sleep in their own beds." You need to discuss discipline problems and strategies that are both effective and honor all parties' beliefs. For instance, one parent may feel that timeout is sufficient while the other may think it's a cop-out. One party may feel strongly about positive reinforcement while the other may think it's a wimpy way to deal with an ongoing issue.

Once you establish rules and forms of discipline, it is imperative that you follow through with them, otherwise the children will walk all over you and your spouse. Also, do not make the stepparent be the disciplinarian—at least, not at first. Doing so will only paint your spouse as the evil stepparent in your children's eyes, which will in no way help your relationship.

Establish New Traditions

Carving out rules and forms of discipline is child's play compared to the task of turning your blended family into one whole, loving unit. According to Cordell Cordell, the latter is particularly difficult when you factor in all the back and forth the children must do. Fortunately, you don't need significant amounts of time to bond as a family unit. Merely reading a story together each night, or having a pancake breakfast before school in the morning, can go a long way toward helping your littles and your spouse connect.

In addition to nurturing the relationship between your spouse and your children, it's also important to nurture your own relationship with your partner. When your children view you two as a united front, they're more likely to respect your spouse and his or her role in yours and their life.

Keep the Ex Out of It

It may be difficult to do, especially if you and your ex ended on bad terms, but remaining cordial with and about your child's other parent is essential to your current relationship's success. Children take their emotional cues from their parents, so the more negative feelings one parent creates about the other, the harder the split will be for your little ones.

Blended families are hard work, but if successful, they're well worth the effort. If you want your new marriage to succeed and your family to be happy, take the above advice to heart. 

Marvellous Methods to Make Your House Fit for Homeschooling

When you decided to start homeschooling your little one you knew it was the right choice for you and your family. There are so many advantages to educating your children at home, from the one to one learning methods to the more relaxed environment at home. You might have a personal reason for wanting to teach your little one at home and that is absolutely fine too. As a homeschooling mom, you always want the best for your kids and step-kids; you don’t ever want them to be missing out on anything that they might achieve from going to a mainstream school. In order to make sure you are giving your children the best possible start in life you might want to make some adjustments to your home. Perhaps you are new to the phenomenon of homeschooling this year and you want to ensure you have done all the right things to get started on the right foot. You can make some simple and small changes at home to make sure your children are getting the most out of their home-based education. Consider all of the following ideas and you will have a happy, healthy and productive homeschooling environment for your little treasures.

A Reading Corner

When you have a lovely little reading corner set up in your home it makes it so much easier for your child to willingly go over there and pick up a book. If you are looking for an appealing and enticing piece of furniture to complete your cosy corner then Comfysacks company is definitely the way to go compared to Lovesac if you are looking for large beanbags. You can choose from a range of styles and colours to suit your child’s preferences and home décor. There is something special about being able to lounge on a huge squishy bean bag and indulge in an afternoon of reading after you have finished your school work for the day. Getting little ones to read nowadays can be incredibly challenging so try to do everything you can to make it seem like a fun activity for them.

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Outdoor Fun

When a child attends a mainstream or private school they are offered many opportunities to play outside at lunchtime with their peers. You might want to tweak your outdoor space so that they have plenty of activities to keep them stimulated during their downtime. A better idea might be to talk a walk to the local park so they can socialise with others and get the much needed fresh air throughout the day. If you are lucky enough to have a large outdoor space then fill it with educational tools such as mathematical hopscotch so that your little one is always occupied and learning.

A Working Desk

You probably already have a solid workstation in place for your child, but you might want to consider the type of learning space they have at home. They need a fun and practical work station at home with a desk and chair, so that they can feel like they are really at a proper school. They will not only feel more productive, but they will be able to write more neatly and concentrate well if they enjoy the space they are sitting in. Allow them to come with you to the store to pick out their desk and chair so that they are involved in the process and excited about it.

Dining Time

Believe it or not meal times for your little one are just as important as their educational time. Make sure they have a regular place to sit when they have their breakfast and lunch during their working school day. You don’t want to encourage them to sit in front of the television and eat their food as they won’t be concentrating on their nutrition. Offer a variety of meal types each day and urge them to try new foods. Mimic a regular school menu if you like and it will give them a true sense of being at school. You have the advantage of knowing what your child likes to eat, so you can tailor the meals accordingly and even get them involved in the kitchen themselves!

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Digital Education

Never underestimate the power of education through digital methods. There are many useful exercises that can be carried out on the computer or app on a tablet. Just make sure that all of the tools you are using don’t cross the line into ‘playtime’ as this might hinder their learning and make them lose concentration.

Strictly Down Time Zones

Giving kids the downtime they need is essential, so make sure they aren’t working too hard. Don’t allow them to take work into their bedroom or living area in your home. These areas should be kept especially for home time and family time so that your little one can really enjoy their time off. Similarly, try not to allow their hobbies to overlap into their educational time. You shouldn’t allow them to watch television during the day or at lunchtime as it will take them out of the learning zone and into relaxation time. Encourage a physical or musical activity for their break times so that they can continue learning in a way that is fun to them.

You realise that home schooling isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, but you are very passionate about doing the very best for your children. You believe that home schooling gives an additional dimension to learning, rather than in a mainstream classroom. If you can get your home prepared with all of these changes you will have created the ideal learning environment for your child or children. They won’t be missing out on anything they would normally get at school, because you will have everything in place for a super happy and practical homeschool atmosphere. Whether you need to invest in new comfortable furniture for a reading corner or you need to reassess the meal time set up, you can make some sensible and sensational changes in your home today.

8 Things I want my Step-Daughter to Know

Life as a step-mom isn't always easy, especially when the real mom is still very much a part of the child's life. Even though I'm sure my step-daughter will never read this, I really wanted to write the things that I hope she will one day come to realize.

Dear Step-Daughter,

I've been a part of your life since you were three.  That's five years that I have brushed your hair, tucked you in, gave you medicine when you were sick, and chased away your bad dreams.  Five years of me holding your hand across the parking lots, telling you to be careful, and telling you to eat your broccoli.  You may think I'm the Evil Step-Mother, but here are a few truths that I want you to learn as you get older.

I love you.  In my own mind, I stepped into the "mom" role way before I had any children of my own. You have a special place in my heart just like your siblings, and you were here first.  So when I'm getting on to you for doing something careless, when I'm pushing you to get better grades, and when I scold you for getting in trouble at school - it's because I want to see you succeed.  I want for you the same things I want for the little people that I gave birth to: to be safe, to always try your hardest, and to be a good person.

I'm not trying to replace your mom.  She's always going to be a bigger part of your life than I am, and I accept that.  Since I have my own kids, I know how special that mom-child bond is, and I try my hardest not to interfere with that.  Although you may hear me mutter some incomprehensible words under my breath when she drops you off, please know that I'm not trying to make you see her like I do.  That's why all conversations that involve her usually happen after you're in bed.

I don't always agree with your mom's parenting methods.  I never will.  I believe in science, medicine, and structure.  She believes in freedom, homeopathy, and nature.  Yet, it's not my choice on how you are raised.  I do have input, with your father, and will make suggestions.  However, you will never be treated exactly like your brother and sister because I can't legally go against your mother's wishes.

I will go against your mom's wishes, in some cases.  Luckily, your dad views much of parenting as I do.  I took you for your vaccines, I had you tested for ADHD, and I've had meetings with your teachers.  I give you your medication every day to help you reach the potential that we know is there, even though your mom refuses to believe that you have any problems.

I will never give you complete freedom.  Your insistence on wearing mini-skirts or shirts that are too tight is something that I'm sure we will battle about until you are 18.  I don't care what your mom lets you wear (I do, but I can't do anything about it), I want you to realize that some things are not appropriate.  The same goes for wanting to wear stilettos to school.  Kid, you're 8.  I didn't start fighting my mom about things like that until I was well into my teens, and she wouldn't let me leave the house like that either.  I want you to be treated with respect, and to have respect for yourself.  That starts with your appearance, and then goes on to your behavior.

I'm here to stay.  I've been with your father for 5 years.  Things have gotten rough, there have been times when we almost split up - but for you, and your brother and sister, we have worked things out.  That's not to say that we're only together for you guys, but you factored largely into our commitment to each other.  It was because of you children that I was able to forgive your father for cheating on me, and for us to work past it.  I am a constant - remember that.

We will butt heads.  It's already started, and you haven't even reached puberty yet.  I know that you will hate me before it's over with, but I hope with all my heart that as you become a grown woman, you will understand my methods and realize I have only done what is best for you.  I will try to pick and choose my battles, because I don't want us to fight all the time, but in your eyes I will always be the "other woman" and will never compare to your real mom.  That's fine, but I hope that at least a little of what I teach you will stick.

And the last thing that I hope you learn, is that you are a very special girl.  You are intelligent, beautiful, and sensitive.  You've helped shape me into the woman that I am, and I can only hope that I can help do the same for you.  I love you like you're one of my own, even if you never will be.

Love always,

Your Step-Mom

Overcoming #MomRage

No one has willpower like a mother.  The amount of restraint it takes to keep from slugging your kid in the face when they spit a loogie on your glasses?  The sheer godliness that is used when your pre-teen rolls their eyes at you and ignores everything you just said to them?


Last weekend was a long rough one around here.  My step-daughter's ADHD was in full swing as she ignored everything I told her and antagonized her little brother, who would then turn around and make his baby sister cry.  I was screamed at, hit, bitten, and argued with.  Messes were made and never cleaned up, eyes were rolled in my direction, and there was constant fighting between the kids.

I can honestly say that I understand why child abuse is so common.  No child should ever be in pain, especially not by the hands of those who are supposed to be protecting them, but I cannot claim to have never had the thought of picking up my three year old while he's kicking his little sister and chucking him into a wall.

I hate having these thoughts.  Daydreaming about locking your kid in a closet?  Fantasizing about scenes from Flowers in the Attic?  It doesn't seem right.  But Moms - if you have these thoughts, I am here to tell you, it is completely natural.

Recognizing ADD/ADHD in Young Girls

"She's so smart, I just wish she would try a little harder..."

"She's been disruptive, always wanting to play with her friends instead of paying attention."

"She keeps losing her homework, after we spent an hour working on it the night before."

"She seems to zone out, and daydreams during class to the point where we aren't sure if she's even listening."

These are just some of the things that we've been hearing for the last couple of months, and then the teacher finally called us in for a parent-teacher conference.  My step-daughter, who's 7 years old, has been disruptive, failing assignments, and completely disregarding authority.  It isn't just at school either.  Here at home, she's been forgetful, defiant, and, well, a brat.  I hate to put it in such a harsh way, but something has to give.  It's been a nightmare trying to relate to her lately, and getting her to follow directions has been nearly impossible.

I'll give you an example.  Every night at 7:30, I tell her to put on her pajamas and brush her teeth.  Bedtime is at 8 (we get up early and kids need sleep) so I give her half an hour to wind down and realize it's time to go to bed.  So, she'll go in her room, and ten minutes later come back out with pajamas on.  Without brushing her teeth.  "I forgot," she'll say.  Really?? In ten minutes time, you forgot to do one of the two things I told you to do?  "I was playing."  Ugh!

She's so easily distracted that we often have to remind her to eat during supper, because she'll drift off into daydream world and forget what she was doing.

We've tried counseling.  We've tried rigorous schedules.  I think it's time to seek profession (medical) help to see if there is an underlying problem.

That's why I've written this post.  Our thoughts are leaning toward ADD/ADHD but have hard such a hard time finding a diagnosis because girls do not exhibit the classic signs quite like boys do.  Here's a list of what to look for if you think your daughter may have an attention disorder (note: I'm not a medical professional and am just sharing what I've learned along the way.  If you have questions, please consult your child's pediatrician):