According to Star Tribune, approximately 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rates jump to 60 percent for second marriages, unless there are step children involved. Then that number jumps again, to 70 percent. According to Parents.com, 75 percent of the 1 million plus Americans who divorce each year marry again at some point in the future. Most of those 1.2 million individuals have at least one child. These numbers indicate two things: 1) that blended families are common and 2) that blended families generally do not succeed.
Cordell and Cordell, a law firm for dads, helps dads with children prepare for and navigate the complexities of single life. The law firm also helps remarried fathers and their spouses overcome the very real challenges couples are apt to face when trying to make their blended families work. If you and your spouse are struggling to get on the same page where your children are concerned, or if either of your ex-spouses is driving a wedge between your child and your spouse or even you and your spouse, it may be time to seek outside help. In the meantime, there are a few things you can do at home to keep your blended family a happy family.
Establish Ground Rules in the Beginning
One of the best things you can do for your marriage and your family, according to Parents.com, is to establish ground rules for the children as early as possible. If you are not currently married but are engaged, do this before you tie the knot. If you are already married and experiencing problems because of a lack of rules, set aside a night to discuss your issues in earnest and create effective ways for dealing with them.
It's important to note that establishing rules doesn't merely mean saying "no TV past 7:00," or "kids sleep in their own beds." You need to discuss discipline problems and strategies that are both effective and honor all parties' beliefs. For instance, one parent may feel that timeout is sufficient while the other may think it's a cop-out. One party may feel strongly about positive reinforcement while the other may think it's a wimpy way to deal with an ongoing issue.
Once you establish rules and forms of discipline, it is imperative that you follow through with them, otherwise the children will walk all over you and your spouse. Also, do not make the stepparent be the disciplinarian—at least, not at first. Doing so will only paint your spouse as the evil stepparent in your children's eyes, which will in no way help your relationship.
Establish New Traditions
Carving out rules and forms of discipline is child's play compared to the task of turning your blended family into one whole, loving unit. According to Cordell Cordell, the latter is particularly difficult when you factor in all the back and forth the children must do. Fortunately, you don't need significant amounts of time to bond as a family unit. Merely reading a story together each night, or having a pancake breakfast before school in the morning, can go a long way toward helping your littles and your spouse connect.
In addition to nurturing the relationship between your spouse and your children, it's also important to nurture your own relationship with your partner. When your children view you two as a united front, they're more likely to respect your spouse and his or her role in yours and their life.
Keep the Ex Out of It
It may be difficult to do, especially if you and your ex ended on bad terms, but remaining cordial with and about your child's other parent is essential to your current relationship's success. Children take their emotional cues from their parents, so the more negative feelings one parent creates about the other, the harder the split will be for your little ones.
Blended families are hard work, but if successful, they're well worth the effort. If you want your new marriage to succeed and your family to be happy, take the above advice to heart.
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