I Don't Spank

Someone asked me a few days ago how often I have to spank my son.  I was kind of taken aback, because I don't spank him.

I know every child is different, just as every parent is different. You have to cater your parenting style to  YOUR children, and even change tactics for each of your kids.

This is solely my own parenting technique when it comes to discipline – It’s what works for us.

I don’t like to spank. I was spanked, switched, hit with a belt, had things thrown at me, and yelled at until I  felt worthless. I was not abused in the traditional sense, as so many children are; I never had bruises or  broken bones. But the psychological wounds take so much longer to heal… I want my children to know that they are loved. There is a huge difference between guiding your babies  to make the right choices, and punishing them for being bad. That isn’t to say that Sammy is an angel –  he throws tantrums, occasionally hurts his sisters, acts like a wild child sometimes… he’s 3. It’s his job.

I do, however, prevent him from doing things that will hurt him or others by simple redirection. If he  does something that actually warrants punishment, I will make sure that he knows why he is in trouble  and make sure the punishment is appropriate for his actions. For example, if he is throwing toys – I  simply tell him to pick them up and put them in his room. There’s no reason to yell, because he listens  for the most part. If he ignores me or tells me no and continues to throw his toys, I will get down on his  level and explain why we don’t throw toys and tell him again to pick up his toys and put them away. If  he doesn’t listen this time, he will get a time out (one minute for each year – so 3 minutes for him) and  is usually so upset about getting into trouble that he will pick his toys up once time-out is over. 

Now this isn’t to say that he has never been spanked or that I have never lost my cool and yelled at him  – it happens. I am not a perfect parent and I will never claim to be. But it is never more than a swat on  his butt and only happens on the rare occasions that he is doing something really bad (Last week he was  trying to rip Kaya’s arms off – instant reaction was a “NO!” and a swat on the butt. He cried. I felt so  bad that I snuggled him and told him I was sorry… but I also made sure that he knew that it is not OK to  hurt his baby sister.)

What form of discipline do you use for your children?  What makes it work for you?