It happens often in relationships, even steady marriages where you both generally feel that you're on the same page. One of you wants another child; the other doesn't think it's such a good idea. It can become a source of real contention, and without being addressed, resentment is going to set in.
There is a simple reason that most of us go through phases of feeling broody. Some biologists suggest our primary function in life is to reproduce, so it's only natural - literally. If you feel you are coming at it from a different angle to your partner, it can feel as if you are out of sync with each other.
Many of the objections raised against expanding your family are standard. It is perhaps not a good idea to try and convince someone who is set against it, as this can make them resent you for the interference. But if they have genuine concerns where their head is overruling their heart, then you can try and help rest those. Below are a few of the common objections, and how to help your partner find their way through them.
Bear in mind you should pick your moments for these discussions. Don't go barrelling in with ovulation calculators, details for adoption agencies or surrogate choices. Pick a quiet moment and raise it calmly; starting someone off overwhelmed isn't going to work well.
"We can't afford it."
The truth is, in the modern world, no one can really afford to have children. Estimates vary, but some experts suggest it costs up to $200,000 to raise a child. The only solution to this understandable objection is to pledge yourself, and your lifestyle, to frugality. You might have to miss a few holidays and shop a bit more carefully, but it is possible to offer a great childhood on a budget. You just have to be willing to work towards it.
"We don't have the time."
If you're already used to juggling children in the house, then you know they are demanding on your time and energy. In truth, one extra is not going to make a huge difference. When it comes to our kids, we find all the time that they need from an endless reserve of Parent Patience. It won't be any difficult with a new baby.
"What if we can't love them equally?"
This is a common fear that all parents go through when they consider adding to their brood. When you have a child, they become the center of your universe - but is it possible to have two centers? It may be a common fear but that doesn't make it a good one. You will find endless reserves of love for any extra children you have, as you appreciate them as individuals. Point out that people don't just care about one friend, or sibling or one parent - we're able to share our affections equally.
By talking through these answers, it becomes obvious if your partner's objections are rooted in reality, or in fear. If they have a genuine, solid reason for objecting then listen to them- they may have a point. If, however, it seems their concerns are more far-fetched, then talking it through with them is the best way forward.
No comments
I love reading your comments!